Next time I’m bitching about a cold climb, I’ll think about crazy Dutchman and future Darwin-Award winner Wim Hof, who recently failed an attempt on Everest in only his short shorts — but to his credit, the douchecracker actually made it to 24, 278 ft. He claims that he can lower his heart rate and increase blood flow to his extremeties, which is I guess what kept him from tripping on frozen, shattering feet. But he’s not done yet:
“Hillary did it with clothes and oxygen, that was the beginning,” he said of Edmund Hillary and Sherpa Tenzing Norgay’s historic first successful climb of the 29,198-foot peak in 1953.
“After, (Reinhold) Messner did it without oxygen, and now somebody is doing it in shorts. A bigger challenge you can’t get,” he said. “Next year I will try Everest again, and then with a paraglider with two French people we will fly down.”
He supposedly quit because of an old foot injury and not any hypothermia-related symptoms. Someone should slap him for the Messner-Hillary comparison, but I just feel bad for his family, who will someday have to hold a funeral and tell people that their beloved Wim died doing something retarded in his Daisy Dukes.
Odd bonus: Out of all the extremeties that could’ve frozen and broken off like twigs, he was apparently least concerned about his wang.
“The natural protection of the penis is that it contracts itself. It just goes in, like a fishing rod,” Hof said.
Um, wow. Nice metaphor, Wangless Wim.
